Setting it in stone...

Previously I've been using a little notebook to keep track of everything and to list nutritional information in foods that I eat. But it has become a hassle for various reasons and no longer practical, nor easy to keep hidden. As its already so late in the day, I guess tomorrow will be my "first" day, so I'll just list some of the basic anorexic shenanigans below.

First goal weight: 115 lbs.
Second goal weight: 105 lbs.
Ultimate goal weight: 95 lbs. (or lower)

Maximum caloric intake per day (without detracting exercise or work): 250 calories, subject to decrease in 25-50 calorie intervals as weight decreases
Maximum carb intake per day: 30g
Maximum sugar intake per day: 25g

Weights/room exercises: 1/2 hour or more per day
Walking/jogging/running: 1-2 hours per day, at least 4 days a week (if weather not permitting, use elliptical or treadmill)

 NO: Meat, milk/diary products, eggs, juice, fat/oils, junk food
*For those who are curious, I am a vegan. Partially because factory farming and flesh eating in general is abhorrent, and part because it makes being an anorexic just that much easier to hide and explain away*

So there are the rules and goals all nice and set in stone. From what I have read and researched, the 120 lb. "hump" as it were is a pretty common issue. So I will just have to increase my willpower even more so and really stick to the rules and record everything. Even though its miserable and only works for a little bit, I will just have to rely on water and my saviour: Lipton Diet Green Tea Citrus to keep myself full. And really push myself when exercising. And eat more vegetables than fruits. And not get discouraged by the utter bullshit of my yoyoing weight.

As far as binging goes, recent binges anyways, its sort of pathetically not even binging, and yet I still end up gaining 1-3 lbs the next day. If 4 rice cakes and/or a few extra handful of grapes or an extra plum or an extra few pieces of asparagus (aka my recent "binges") have that dramatic an impact then...umm yup, I'm completely and thoroughly fucked. Awesome. -_- So I guess, no binging. At all.

And grocery days. Those have sometimes been issues for me. Before all this started and before I became a vegan I adored sushi. Where my family shops for groceries, they have a halfway decent sushi bar. Even though most of the sushi (especially the veggie kind) is 250 calories or under, apparently it still will make my weight skyrocket. And my mother is always prodding me to get some, my little "treat" or something along those lines. Or if she tries to get something especially for vegans for me, I'll be forced to "try" it when we get home. And let's be honest here, sometimes I throw all caution to the wind and eagerly try those soy chips, or sweet potato snack bars, or whatever. But as of now, that will have to stop. No more sushi, no more "trying" foods. I guess I'll make another post of the nutritional information of food I will allow myself to eat. More for my convenience than any real "entertainment" value, though I suppose it will be educational at least.

So by torturing myself following these rules, I hope to lose at least 1-2 lbs. per week. Ideally three, but let's not fool ourselves. It's sort of depressing realizing that even if I do follow these rules, I'll still see that fucking scale go up. Or stay the same. Sometimes I'm not sure which one is worse. They're both failures.

Onwards...