It's somewhat ironic that I'm starting this journal/blog/collection of ramblings. I have never tried nor appreciated journaling and I abhor computers. I'm sure my long and detailed history of technology destruction (especially concerning computers) will come up at some point, but for now just realize that I am a hypocrite. An extremely dysfunctional, friendless, anorexic hypocrite. I guess since this is my first post, I should give a bit of background information...
I have either been diagnosed or strongly suspected of (by both professionals and those who live with me) as suffering from depression, bipolar disorder, asperger syndrome, and all around "not exactly the most pleasant or sane person to be around" syndrome. I guess adding anorexia to the list shouldn't really be that big of a surprise. I have had to be hospitalized and put into a "behavioral health facility" (but not for anorexia), and it was super fun. -_- Anyways, I ended up graduating high school early, over two years early, and continued on to the wonderful world of community college as I waited to...well, become old enough to attend a normal university/college/whatever. Flying through that bore, I once again found myself spiraling into destructive behavior and a lack of purpose. Its been over a year since I finished community college, and at nineteen I am once again a wreck.
As far as anorexia goes, I suppose I've been living with it for a few months now. Or failing at it rather. -_- I started off at 140 lbs. Which is average/normal/healthy for my height of 5'7". I've always had somewhat abnormal eating habits, even as a child, sometimes eating everything in sight for a day or two and then nothing at all for the next few, or becoming obsessive and eating only a certain type of food for weeks or even months (I am living proof that one can indeed live off of nothing but Peanut Butter Captain Crunch for extended periods of time). And I have always and forever will be a picky eater, as in every-mother's-nightmare type of picky eater. So like I said, anorexia isn't really mind blowing considering my track record. Currently I am 118 lbs, which is either on or on the very cusp of the "underweight" zone. Yeehaw. Unfortunately I have been bouncing back and forth between the low 120's and my lowest ever weight of 117 lbs for the past few weeks. Yeefuck. I was under the impression that those "suffering" from anorexia lost weight dangerously quickly. If you're me, I guess that little stereotype doesn't apply. -_- But onwards, right?
So the goal of this journal is to track my progress (both weight, food, and exercise) and to maybe feel not quite so alone. And offer "tips and tricks" as well...because they've obviously worked so wonderfully for me. I will probably end up doing two posts a day (or more). The first will outline any particular goals for the day and my morning weigh in. The last will list my consumption and exercise and any ramblings. And I'm sure there will be one or more in between with random pictures or "inspiration" or me cursing my very name and damning myself to pits of hell...or something.
Even though I realize this will end up just being a place where I talk to myself, should the cosmos align and I happen to gain a reader or two, feel free to comment and point out my stupidity. Or shout out every encouraging thought you can. Or speak to me in a foreign language. I'm partial to Icelandic right now. I have no idea how blogger really works, so don't be offended if I seem to ignore your comment. I will try to navigate this as best I can.
So here it goes...
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